LEARNING FROM JACOB’S JOURNEY
THE BAR MITZVAH OF JOSHUA WINSTONE
We have come here today – the highpoint of the Jewish week – to celebrate a very special highpoint in Josh’s life: the day when he becomes Bar Mitzvah. But becoming Bar Mitzvah is not simply a highpoint in Josh’s life; today represents a very important milestone on a journey that began for him – and for his parents – when he was born thirteen years ago; a journey that stretches before Josh into the future. In a real sense, today is the day when Josh completes the first stage of his life’s journey as a Jew, and embarks on the next stage; just as Shabbat is a moment of sacred time when we pause each week and step off the treadmill, so the celebration of Josh’s Bar Mitzvah is a precious moment when Josh pauses on his life’s journey before moving on.
Life is a journey; a continuous flow of time we move through day by day from the day we are born – until we die. All creatures – indeed, Life itself – moves in this flow. But we human beings are rather exceptional creatures; we mark the passage of time; we celebrate special moments and key milestones on our life’s journey. This week’s Torah portion, Va-yeitzei, begins by describing a life-changing moment for Jacob – one of the twin-sons of Rebecca and Isaac. We read at Genesis 28, verses 10 and 11:
Jacob went out from B’eir Sheva and went towards Haran. / He then alighted on a place and stayed there because the sun had set; and he took one of the stones of the place and he placed it under his head, and lay down in that place.
It’s a very well known story: no wonder Jacob had that strange dream about a ladder reaching from earth to heaven, and angels ascending and descending on it (:12) with a stone for a pillow! Because it is such a familiar tale, it is easy to miss a few crucial details. The Torah doesn’t tell us where Jacob was; only where he had come from – B’eir Sheva – and where he was going – Haran. And yet in just two verses, the Torah reiterates the word ‘place’ – makom in Hebrew – three times. The place that Jacob ‘alighted’ upon – where he just happened to stop because the sun had gone down, and so was forced to pause, became a significant milestone on his journey. In fact you could say that the very idea of a ‘milestone’ has its origins in the moment when, after his dream-filled night, Jacob rose in the morning, took the stone that had served as his pillow and set it up as a pillar – the Hebrew word is matzeivah; that which stands up (:18). Twenty years later when Jacob was on his journey back home from Haran, he erected another matzeivah to mark the grave of his beloved wife, Rachel, who died giving birth to Benjamin (Va-yishlach – Genesis 35:16-20) – hence matzeivah became the Jewish word for a gravestone.
That night in that unnamed place; that passing place on Jacob’s journey from Be’eir Sheva to Haran changed his life. In the morning he didn’t just set up the stone to mark the place where he slept; Jacob placed the stone there to mark his encounter with the Eternal One, and then named the place, Beit Eil – which means ‘House of God’ (:19), saying: ‘How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; and this is the gate of heaven – sha’ar ha-shamayim (:17).
Sometimes, like Jacob we just happen upon the transformational moments that become the milestones on our journey through life – and sometimes, like Josh and the other young people who become Bar or Bat Mitzvah around their thirteenth birthday, we plan for these special moments. But however much planning we do – and Josh has done a great deal – however familiar the place where we mark our special moments, the eagerly anticipated day still holds surprises for us – and more than a little awe, too. Josh – you know this particular place so very well – but I have a feeling that even your familiar shul feels rather different to you today, because, with the help of your tutor, Harry, over the past few months, and with the on-going guidance of your teachers, Melanie, Eileen and Andy, over the years, and the loving support of your parents, you have actually arrived at an utterly new place and a completely new moment; the place and the moment where your childhood ends and a new journey on a new path towards adulthood begins. And so, as that unknown place was for Jacob, this well-known place is for you, a ‘gateway’; a gateway to the next stage of your life.
Josh – this week’s parashah has much in it that you can connect with your own experience of becoming Bar Mitzvah – and we all look forward to hearing what you have to say about it. There are some fascinating disconnections, too: You are not Jacob; you are not a younger twin, who has cheated his brother out of his birthright and his blessing, in flight for your life. Jacob was on the run – and if the sun hadn’t set and he hadn’t been forced to lie down that very first night, no doubt he would have kept on running. The very first word of the portion says it all: Va-yeitzei Ya’akov – ‘Jacob went out’; it was his own personal Exodus; he was in exile. The Hebrew three-letter root, Yud Tzadi Alef, is also used to describe the great departure of the ‘children of Israel’ – Jacob’s descendants – from slavery in Egypt many generations later: yitziat Mizrayim.
But as soon as we connect Jacob’s personal Exodus with the Exodus of the Israelites, we begin to ask questions: Did Jacob have to flee in order to become himself and realise his destiny? The Israelites left Egypt to begin their journey through the desert towards the land beyond the Jordan; Jacob left the land beyond the Jordan to return to the place that his grandparents, Abraham and Sarah, had left – Why did Jacob go backwards rather than forwards? Did Jacob have to go back before he would go forward? Abraham and Sarah came out of Haran; Jacob’s mother, Rebecca, also came out of Haran: did Jacob, too, have to make that crucial journey himself? Isaac, alone, of the ancestors of our people stayed where he was; or rather, perhaps, he never recovered from the very particular journey that he made with his father – that three days’ journey away from their family home in B’eir Sheva, when he was bound on the altar by his father, and almost sacrificed (Va-yeira – Genesis 22)… Perhaps, from that moment onwards, stripped of personal volition, Isaac could no longer go anywhere – except stay at home and wait – first for a wife to comfort him for his mother’s death (Chayyey Sarah – Genesis 24:67); then for the wrong son to claim the blessing and deceive him (Tol’dot – Genesis 27).
Yes, Jacob was the wrong son – but he was also the right son – and that’s what is so bewildering. Only Rebecca knew – not Isaac – that Jacob – not Esau – was destined to receive the birthright and his father’s blessing; that’s what God told her when she asked about the troubling stirrings in her womb during her pregnancy (Tol’dot – Genesis 25:22-23). I say, bewildering – because, on the one hand, the Torah teaches us a host of ethical rules about the fair and just treatment of others; and on the other hand, the Torah transforms a cheating scoundrel like Jacob into a hero – and then turns him into Yisra’el – Israel – the namesake of our people to boot. Not just bewildering – this is very troubling: what are we supposed to learn from this?
What are you, Josh, supposed to learn from this? Va-yeitzei is your portion after all. Well, you could say that you might learn that Life is not straightforward – far from it. You might learn that sometimes we must go back in order to go forward. You might learn that sometimes you have to go wrong, and do what is wrong, before you can find the right way and do the right thing. You might learn that Life is about learning – and learning is about making mistakes. Josh: ask any of the adults you know – your parents, your teachers – we will all tell you that we have learned much more in our lives from our mistakes and our failures than from our achievements.
Of course, that is not to disparage in any way those achievements – and today is a wonderful moment for celebrating your achievements – for celebrating your life. It’s almost thirty years since your mum, tutored by Harry – just as you have been – became Bat Mitzvah. Three decades ago she was here before you. But she knows – and your dad knows; and Harry knows – that today is your day; uniquely yours; just as your life’s journey has already been, uniquely yours. When, as part of your preparation for this day, I asked you some questions about what it all meant to you, you made an interesting response – becoming Bar Mitzvah ‘has taught me I can make my own choices’. Whatever your parents wanted for you, Josh, becoming Bar Mitzvah has been your choice. More than anything else, you love playing the piano, ‘because’ as you put it, ‘it’s an amazing way to express how I’m feeling at the time. For me it is my life and I can relax and feel I’m in the music whatever I play. If I’m happy or sad it means everything to me.’ Yes, music is your life – and when you are older you hope to become a ‘Musical Director’. And at the same time ‘being Jewish’ – as you put it: ‘makes me different but in a good way. I think I am really lucky to be in such an amazing community of Jewish people…. Coming to synagogue makes me feel like part of a large family’. Josh – you have made choices: you have chosen to express yourself through music and as a Jew – which means that you have also made a commitment to honour both these important dimensions of yourself. And so, just as your musical studies continue, today is not the end of your Jewish journey; it is the beginning of a new one: As you put it, becoming Bar Mitzvah ‘makes me feel that I can now lead the congregation and help other children become Bar Mitzvah too by becoming a helper.’
Josh: you have led the congregation beautifully today – and we look forward to seeing you, both on the bima and around the shul, helping the younger ones, and participating in the Kabbalat Torah learning programme. Of course, you cannot know – none of us can – exactly where your journey will take you, over the years to come. When Jacob got up that first morning, he certainly had no idea that he would be away from home for so long, and that he would have to learn so much before he was ready to meet his brother, Esau, again. I’m sure that I am expressing the good wishes of everyone who has come here today to celebrate this special milestone in your life with you and your family, when I echo the words of blessing we find in the Torah (Deuteronomy 28:6) and in Psalm 121: ‘Blessed may you be when you come in, and blessed may you be when you go out… May the Eternal One guard your going out and your coming in, now and always.’ And let us say: Amen.
Rabbi Elizabeth Tikvah Sarah,
Brighton & Hove Progressive Synagogue,
28th November 2009 – 11th Kislev 5770